Drop Ship Drones!
We here at Online Metals are tired of Amazon getting all the credit for being innovative with drone technology! We’ve decided to take the term “drop ship” to a more literal level.
We’re pleased to announce that Online Metals will now have a drone delivery option available during checkout! Save time and money today by selecting this innovative, synergistic, advancement into the future of Industry 4.0 and cloud technology. Your order will be completed as usual, but the shipping team will instead strap your order to a drone.
Our patented AI-controlled drones represent a huge holistic advancement in machine learning. It will allow metal to fly from our smart factories directly to your door. Once there, your order will be literally dropped. The drop ship drones are also equipped with voice recognition. As part of the Internet of Things, you can speak to them, allowing a level of personalization by actionable voice commands.
No Drone Zone
We do ask our customers to be aware of any No Drone Zones in your area that may impact our drop ship drones. We had an awkward moment on a trial run because of this. A drone carrying a lot of aluminum was taken down by a trained eagle over a No Drone Zone. Another trial run saw a drone shot down near Night Vale, New Mexico. But I’m not allowed to say which government agency did it. Also, Legal insists I reiterate it was a simple navigation error, nothing nefarious.
How do the drones work?
It took a lot of work, but we’re proud of where we are. We acknowledge that it took longer to launch than we had originally hoped. As much as it pains us to admit, we hit some bottlenecking problems which delayed the launch of these. In order to help save our customers some time, we’ll pass on a bit of what we learned.
Specifically, metal is heavy and regular drones just can’t carry it. So we had to work overtime to find a power source which could meet our needs.
Originally we tried to use tiberium crystals to provide power. But it turned out there was a problem with the supplier being unreliable. Normally we wouldn’t name names, but I will just say think twice before returning any phone calls to a Mr. Kane from Nod Industries.
Next we moved on to Unobtanium batteries. These offered the power and durability we needed. But the Resources Development Administration announced problems with its source of the metal so we moved on. We briefly considered a Vibranium shell for the main power housing. But the Wakandan Trade Ministry wouldn’t OK a shipment to us. This whole process really drove home the point that reliable suppliers are crucial to modern business.
Finally, our diligent and crafty buyers were able to solve our problems. They were able to get us a bulk deal on flux capacitors and dilithium crystals to power them.
When we announced the plan to have AI-controlled robots drop heavy pieces of metal out of the sky on customers to our test focus group, they had some concerns. One person asked “Have you people ever seen Terminator or 2001: A Space Odyssey?”
Pfffft. Of course we have. But we prefer Blade Runner.
Fear not, dear customer!
All of our AI drones have been programmed with Asimov’s Three Laws of Robotics.
First Law – A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
Second Law – A robot must obey the orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
Third Law – A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Laws.
More to Come!
We also understand that more people than ever are living in apartments, and so having a drone fly to their front door is a bit of a problem. But don’t you worry! Our fearless engineers are working on a new drone, called the Drone, Operational, Ground. It probably needs a catchier name.
Anyway, this new drone runs on four legs. Because of this, it can enter apartment buildings to deliver metal to your front door. Right now we’re trying to iron out some bugs. It keeps chasing cars for some reason. But we’ll get those taken care of! You can expect this new drone in action sometime within the next 2-13 years. In the meantime, you’ll probably want to stick to UPS. Actually, you’ll probably want to stick to UPS or Will Call in general.
Have a great April, and if you have any cool projects you’ve done with making drones or robotics, please send pictures our way! We love that stuff.